Purposeful Connections, LLC

TEDxDetroit 2011: Dr Anthony Debenedet

2012-03-02T16:21:00.000-06:00

A wonderful short TED presentation on the importance of pretend play and rough housing with our kids!

Get A New Attitude ... About Choices

2012-02-17T12:16:00.001-06:00

Not too unlike Eddie Murphy in“Beverley Hills Cop”, I am feeling good from my head to my toes, ‘cause I’vegot a new attitude - a new attitude with respect to my children and their not-so-goodchoices, that is!

I have to give myself credit – Ihave made a tremendous shift in parenting style since starting my RDI® Program 6+ yearsago. But I admit it - I have to work atit, daily, to stay intentional about my guidingversus controlling. I have to be a teacher, not a tell-er. I have to giveopportunities, not just get stuffdone. A system of reminders works better than a reward system. My personalhabits, many of which are rooted in my personality type (but that’s a wholedifferent challenge), have had to be adjusted when it comes to parenting,especially parenting my two very different ASD sons and my neuro-typicaldaughter. It has been hard for me, andit still is.

For instance my recent parent goaland objectives have centered on letting ALL my children engage inage-appropriate experiences and choices, without trying to take over andcontrol the outcome or the choice made. Thisaction is often very hard for a parent of ASD children. Just let them make the choice, and experiencethe natural consequence of that choice, within safety and family limits & boundaries,of course. But I found myself getting moreand more anxious, sometimes even angry, at some of the choices. What’s the point in that?!?

If we are going to let our kids havethese life learning experiences of making choices, we have to have a positive,supportive and motivated attitude about them, even when the choices are badones – ESPECIALLY when the choices are bad ones. For me, embracing this new state of mind witha joyful, loving attitude has been hard, but I do have a new attitude. If you are like me, here are a few useful cornerstonesto remember each day …

Bad choices offer new opportunities to re-engageand connect with our kids

Our kids will need us more when theyhave made a bad choice and are experiencing the natural consequences. This relationship is true with all of ourchildren, ASD or not. That is what weare here for, but we have to see these opportunities for what they really are –a time to provide loving and caring guidance as our children find their way inthis challenging, dynamic world.

“If you are willing to accept failure and learnfrom it, if you are willing to consider failure as a blessing in disguise andbounce back, you have got the essential of harnessing one of the most powerfulsuccess forces.”

Joseph Sugarman

Bad choices offer new opportunities to teach

Let’s face it, bad choices happenfor a reason. Something was just notright. There is likely some newinformation that our children will need to remember and retain from thisexperience. Consider what newinformation your child might need to encode from the experience that theydidn’t have before making that not-so-good choice. This practice is especially true for our ASDkiddos who’s dynamically functioning parts of the brain may need a bit moresupport and remediation work. Teach it adifferent way; teach it again and again and again; give new information; helpthem reflect on what they may have learned; spotlight and teach.

“Success is on the far side of failure.”

TJ Watson

New information, often coupled with a not-so-goodchoice, is really the best way to learn

Being at the edge of our competency,but just a little bit beyond, is where we learn something new. There is a magic zone of being challengedwithout being overwhelmed; where we are alert but not anxious; that is where humanslearn best. This is what developmentalexperts call the zone of proximal development; what we call “one step ahead” inour RDI® work; and it can make all the difference to brain development.

"I want to stay as close to the edge as I canwithout going over. Out on the edges yousee all kinds of things you can’t see from the center."

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

No one makes good choices all the time

No further explanation of this oneneeded, as long as we are all are willing to admit this to ourselves asparents. It is hard to accept that ourkids will (and need to) make some bad choices sometimes. We all do. These experience-sharing moments are so important, for all children, butespecially the ASD child. Take the timeto share with your child the mistakes that you have made and the lessons thatyou have learned along the way. Parentsare the most effective and experienced teachers of all.

"We learn from people we love."

David Brooks

Experiencing the natural consequences of our ownchoices is the only real way to develop a sense of self

Any action that is based on anotherperson telling us what to do involves very little real thinking and decisionmaking; and that offers little opportunity to help a brain develop andgrow. The natural consequences of ourown choices that we all have to deal with will be much more successful atchanging “self” than a volatile reaction from a punishing parent. But permissive parenting, where all problemsare OK and then solved for our children, will take away all real world learningopportunities. ASD parents areparticularly vulnerable to these extreme parenting styles, on both ends of theparenting style spectrum.

“It's not your job to like me -- it's mine."

ByronKatie

Good choices will come with time and practice

Giving our kids the time and spaceto practice making choices is exactly what they need to develop the dynamicthinking and problem solving skills they need to make choices and to functionin the real world. Having theopportunity to make choices, over and over and over, is how we all get betterat making choices. It is hard to letthem make some choices that are not so wise. But if we solve every problem or expect only good choices, we steal awaythe opportunity for our kids to think and learn. And all kids need this, even the ASD child.

“Undertakesomething that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond whatyou have already mastered, you will never grow.”

Ronald E Osborn

So whether the not-so-good choice isto run away from you in the mall or to throw their crayons around the room; or tospend too much time on the computer or to eat that wheat-filled brownie; or toskip doing homework or to curse; embrace this opportunity with a positiveattitude so you can teach your child within a successful parenting state ofmind. When it comes to my children’s not-so-goodchoices, at least for today, I’ve got a new attitude!

The Importance of a Personal Phrase

2012-01-21T15:23:00.001-06:00

Staying mindful each day and each week of our “important to do’s”can be a challenge without a personal mental reminder system. I have found this particularly challenging inour work on developmental and educational goals and objectives with ourchildren. In order to offer our childrendynamic intelligence learning opportunities, remediation experiences andpractice, we have to remember what our goals and objectives actually are. There is probably no other single habit thatcan be used to accomplish this than the strategy of creating a personal phrase.

These important reminders are useful not only to our own dailyguiding thoughts and actions, but also to our children’s memories as theydevelop their own thinking process and mental reminders. You can think up your own phrase, or it mightbe a borrowed saying or a sentence that you memorize. But these little mental reminders serve manypurposes.

First, it is simply a way to carry a goal or objective with you throughoutyour busy day. One way to take advantageof the many learning opportunities that our children are offered each day is toremain alert and watchful for opportunities to plan, guide and reflect. For instance, when our family was targetingthe dynamic judgment of having to do some things faster than normal at certaintimes, I constantly used a phrase from ToyStory – “We need to run like thewind, Bullseye!”. My kids didn’tfeel pressured that I was hurrying them; they did think that I was a bit silly. And they recognized my dynamic guidance thatthis was one of those times that they were learning about - they might need to stopand think about doing something faster than normal for some reason.

Next, it serves as a nice support for encoding the lesson. Even the most dynamic brain can use a nice,simple … ok, maybe even static … mental picture of an experience or concept ormemory to help organize knowledge. Often, just hearing that phrase can recall that episodic memory, justlike a picture or video. For instance,as I work with my two ASD sons on their responsibility to check-in with theirconversation partners to make sure that their partner understands their points,we all use the phrase “are you still withme?” Not only is the lesson encoded,but they now have their own phrase that they can actually use with theirconversation partners as they practice this dynamic life lesson.

And last, and the most important for me, a phrase can serve toensure that you remain in the proper, guiding state of mind. Habits require practice, and practicerequires intention, and intention requires studied thinking. Anything that we can do to help make ourdynamic lessons more productive will make us better at them. Having a personal phrase is important to makeproper use of our time with our kids. For instance, as I am trying hard to let my three teenagers have a bit morefreedom of choices (both good and bad) and more age-appropriate experiences(boy this one is hard for me), I sing a line from the Rhianna song “Under my umbrella, -ella, -ella, -a, -a, -a”. That phrase is a trusted, loving personalcode, for me and my kids, that they have their freedom, they need to learn fromtheir life choices, but I am here if they need me.

A personal phrase is a mantra or reminder about what’simportant. For some people, they mightalready do this in their life by means of a memorialized quote or spiritualline – “Be slow to anger!” For others,it might just be a simple familiar saying – “Just Do It”. It might even be a line from a favoritemovie or song – “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere.” What is important is that this personalphrase serves as a mental reminder to yourself and the children under yourguidance that something special is important to think about.

The Power of Guided Dynamic Teaching

2012-01-06T10:32:00.000-06:00

No matter what your student, orchild, is learning, and no matter their age, there is absolute brain power withina teaching style that is guided.

Guided teachingis not directed and/or rewarded behavior, but directed attention and the sharedjoy of thinking. Guided teaching is dynamic,flexible and experiential; not rote, “same”, solo and static. I learned a helpful phrase to target this strategy long ago in my ownfamily’s RDI® Program, and the idea still holds true for me today. If you really want to give your child theopportunity to learn and think in a meaningful and flexible way, keep this simplepattern in mind during your own activities together, “Me, We, New, You” …

ME – this is the guide’s demonstration. This is the guide priming the student’s brainwith a schema, with actions and words, of what we are doing together. This is not imperative directives to thestudent of what to do. And this is notgiving the activity over to the student to do whatever they want. This is the subtle teaching zone where theteacher or parent is giving information to the student about the activity, the authenticroles and the experiential role actions of what we will be doing together.

WE – this is us doing this activity together. This is the guide and the learner joiningtogether as the learning unit of “we.” This is active, dynamic learning as a process. Roles are clear, role actions have beenestablished, and we are doing something together.

NEW – this is the introduction, after the “me” andthe “we” stage has been established, of variations and changes and newinformation. This input is critical tolearning; this is the point in this sequence where the opportunity comes forthe student to develop flexibility and resilience and dynamic thinking. This is the most important step in thestudent’s brain development in every joint engagement. They are given an opportunity to think andlearn in a dynamic way, not a static predictable way. This is where the real action is, and thismust be spotlighted with our students. We want to help them to see and feel the changes they are experiencingand learning about with us as their guide to the “new.”

YOU – this is where the student demonstrates, tothemselves and to their guide, that they have learned something new. This is a place to celebrate. This is where our students become an empoweredconfident, competent learner and thinker - they will feel it and know it!

This process may take some time. The idea is that this pattern must be part ofevery joint learning opportunity, if we want real world dynamic thinking andlearning to develop. This process mightoccur while making pancakes or sorting laundry; it might be embedded in washingthe car, or doing algebra homework. Itmight even take place in our evening talk time or within an emotionally-chargedproblem solving opportunity. No matterwhat you are doing with your child, give the “me, we, new, you” learning pattern a try today, for true guided dynamicteaching!

Dr. Laura Markham Emotional Intelligence: How to Raise a Child with High EQ

2012-01-02T15:27:00.000-06:00

Dr. Laura Markham Emotional Intelligence: How to Raise a Child with High EQ

HealthyChildren.org - Building Resilience in Children

2011-12-20T09:01:00.000-06:00

Great article, and very consistent with our mission in RDI for ASD kids. Good stuff ...

HealthyChildren.org - Building Resilience in Children

Top 5 Gifts for the Individual with ASD

2011-12-16T11:44:00.000-06:00

Amidst this hustling and bustling gift-giving season, consider addingthese invaluable gifts for the individual with ASD!

No matter what your spiritual following, this IS the season ofgiving. Lists turn up everywheresuggesting things for Dad and things for Mom and even things for kids – as ifwe have not figured that out already. But I consider these gifts the most priceless of all to the child orindividual with ASD; consider adding these top 5 gifts to your “to do list”this holiday season if you are a friend or family member of an individual withASD:

A Legitimate Role in Whatever You Are Doing

Joint activities are abundantin the holiday season. There iswrapping, lighting candles, giving a gift, clearing the table, picking uptrash, baking and tasting are all going on in every family. Be theone who gives the ASD child a legitimate role in the goings-on so that they canbegin to remember this wonderful holiday season with competence and confidence!

A Break

There just are going to betimes, events and experiences during the holiday season when the ASD childneeds a break. It might be a break from ascheduled activity or a break from crowds. Be the one who gives the ASD childa break by willingly offering a quiet place or a quiet evening at home alonewith them!

Time

This is the season of rushingwhere everyone seems too busy; it can be tough on all of our families. Be theone who gives the ASD child some extra solo time of just sharing space with aholiday book, looking at an old picture album or simply snuggling!

Silence

This season is loud. There is music and singing and noisy crowdsand talking relatives. Be the one that offers the ASD child thepeace and the quiet of a smiling face that is not talking at them!

Unconditional Love

This holiday season, notunlike those before, will have disappointment and disapproving relatives; our kidswill notice the unhappy stares of strangers; and there is almost always thesnickering and whispers from classmates and community members. Be theone that offers ALL ASD children unconditional love … always!!

Winterize Your RDI Program!

2011-12-09T10:03:00.001-06:00

Here in the Chicago-land area, we are gearing up for winter, andeven our RDI® Programs might need a little“winterizing”!

1. Prepare for unforeseenweather emergencies!

Don’t let an unforeseen snowor ice storms derail your Live Sessions; plan now for your back-up. Whether it is Skype, Face Time or just an oldfashioned phone call, consider now how you will cover those consultations whenwinter storms close in. And maybe evenuse that time to catch-up on some operating system work in the way of newplatform tutorials, some favorite eLearning lessons revisited or a recommendedarchived webinar or two from your RDI®Consultant.

2. Get that family calendarposted!

If you know now that Decemberand January will be crazy, think about re-scheduling those all-important LiveSessions with your consultant.

3. Get your holiday “to do’s”separated between “must do alone” and“can do together”!

There are many holidayactivities that just must be done alone; but there are many, many that, withsome planning and organizing, can be the perfect activity for a sharedengagement with your ASD child. Startthinking now which things can be altered slightly to share with your child.

4. Take a break!

Give yourself the gift of “anRDI break”. Many of us who have beeninvolved in RDI®over the years have practiced the habit of “an RDI® break”. That does not mean that we stop targetingdynamic intelligence with our ASD child, or that we are done. It simply means that we may take a week ortwo, even maybe a month, “off” for the sole purpose of re-energizing ourprogram and ourselves. Winter might bethe right time for you to take a little break.

5. Get some “hibernate”activities organized!

In the winter, in Chicago, Ido not enjoy leaving the house, at all. I certainly have my work and family responsibilities to conduct, butthat is about it. Having the householdready with ideas and supplies for my period of hibernation is critical. So instead of walking, we may dancetogether. Instead of targeting goals andobjectives at the grocery store, we may pick a closet or the kitchen, instead. But I like to feel ready with some ideas plannedfor that time of self-induced hibernation!

The Power of Experience Sharing Communication or How a Teenager Began Combing his Hair - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

2011-12-07T10:56:00.000-06:00

Invite your child to ... think ... today!!

The Power of Experience Sharing Communication or How a Teenager Began Combing his Hair - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

Schools Fall Short as Teens with Disabilities Jump to Adulthood - voiceofsandiego.org: Schooled: The Education Blog

2011-11-14T15:53:00.000-06:00

Don't let your child fall into this trend ... stay involved in the transition planning process!

Schools Fall Short as Teens with Disabilities Jump to Adulthood - voiceofsandiego.org: Schooled: The Education Blog

Spotlight on Emotional Intelligence

2011-11-13T16:45:00.001-06:00

In RDI, we all are very accustomed to targeting the social-emotional intelligence of our children. We have been educated as to the importance of an integrated brain, and the benefits and the necessity of that functioning in our children.

Here is another reminder from educational and parenting expert consultants Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, from their Educators Newsletter, #102:

4. Article: 10 Reasons to Teach for Emotional Intelligence

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Emotional intelligence is not often valued in today's educational world. Do the principles of emotional intelligence appear on achievement tests? Do teachers have to show competency in emotional intelligence before they get a license to teach? Is emotional intelligence distributed throughout the common standards? No matter where you teach, "Yes" is not the likely answer to any of these questions.

Let's face it. Emotional intelligence is often neglected in order to spend more time on the important things the test makers have decided reveal whether an educational institution is a quality school or not. Neglecting emotional intelligence in favor of more popular goals might just be a mistake. Consider the top 10 reasons for increasing students' emotional intelligence.

1. Emotional intelligence, the ability to recognize, express, and manage our emotions appropriately, forms the base for learning and making decisions. It is the foundation on which the important skills of reading, math, and writing are built.

2. Daniel Goldman, author of the book Emotional Intelligence, has found that achievement in academics improves by 12-15 percent in students who learn important emotional skills.

3. When a student's brain is distracted by emotions, the child has trouble taking in new information. As a result, his or her cognitive ability to think critically and resolve conflict is compromised.

4. Students do not learn emotional intelligence at home when parents make comments like "You're okay," "That's nothing to feel bad about," or "Knock it off or I'll give you something to feel bad about." These and similar messages teach children to hide or numb their feelings. This important personal feedback system simply gets socialized out of children at an early age.

5. If students learned to handle their emotions appropriately, it would alleviate many of the behavioral problems that schools deal with daily. Bullying, fighting, teasing, put-downs, attention seeking, and other dysfunctional behaviors have an emotional component. Strengthen students’ ability to handle those challenges and fewer behavior problems will occur.

6. Teaching for emotional intelligence is reality based. Everyone has problems. Everyone faces difficulties. These circumstances are real in the lives of students. To ignore them is to turn a blind eye to the reality that these students live with every day. It is an effort to pretend they do not exist. They do exist.

7. Having and using emotional intelligence is empowering. It gives students more choices when they're confronted with problems. It equips them with greater response-ability—the ability to respond appropriately and effectively to the circumstances of their lives.

8. Self-management increases when students have the skills necessary to manage their own lives. They can then behave more self-responsibly and are increasingly able to skillfully handle the situations they encounter.

9. School and the activities students are presented with there are much more rational than emotional. The schooling that children get today is essentially filled with left-brain activities. Students need a balance of left-brain and right-brain experiences to be well rounded.

10. Emotional muscles atrophy if they are not used regularly. It is important to exercise your emotional apparatus to keep it working properly. Since emotions underlie everything we do, wouldn’t it be wise to keep those muscles tuned up and ready for action?

It appears to us that more children are angry than ever before and that their anger is increasing in strength and intensity. If you agree, it is clearly time to get our collective heads out of the sand and stop pretending that strong emotion in young people is not occurring. Isn't it past time to make emotional intelligence an integral part of the curriculum?

Parenting Article on Resiliency

2011-11-10T14:10:00.001-06:00

Whether you are a veteran RDI family, or just starting your RDI Program, you likely have recognized that building dynamic intelligence requires parent guidance in daily opportunities of flexible thinking and developing resiliency with our loved ones.

In RDI, we find a systematic curriculum to help us be that dynamic parent guide to our challenged children. We may "do it differently" than other special needs parents. We don't spotlight the static and predictable learning experiences; we don't solve all the problems; nor do we leave our kids to independently acquire isolated, static skills. We parent in a manner and style much more closely aligned with that of neurotypical children's parents, with just a bit more guided support and targeted work.

Here is a wonderful article from a parenting expert whose message on developing resiliency in children will sound very consistent with our program.

http://us2.forward-to-friend.com/forward/show?u=775b94b440ad73397931a9ad7&id=a58d961044

Spotlight the Problem, Not the Solution by Lauren Wilson - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

2011-11-07T17:07:00.000-06:00

Wise, wise words of wisdom from a fellow RDI Certified Consultant ...

Spotlight the Problem, Not the Solution by Lauren Wilson - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

2011-10-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

Jill Bolte Taylor speaks live at TED about her "stroke of insight" ...

www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

"My Stroke of Insight” by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.

2011-10-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

I love reading books that affirm the possibilities andimportance of our targeted work to change the brain! We CAN guide a more natural, integrated thinkingprocess in ourselves and with our dynamically-challenged children.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is a brain scientist. But her personal journey with the science ofher own brain seems to have enlightened her to the workings of the brain evenmore than her years of intense studies and medical practice. At a very young adult age, she had a strokethat damaged part of her brain. Shedescribes it as isolated to the left hemisphere, thus compromising those functionsand skills in that part of the brain. Shethen takes the reader on her remarkable journey into her discovery of thewonders in her “right brain”. Thesediscoveries of self were surprising to her, and amazing to read about.

As someone who admittedly had an overabundance of “left brain”functioning, the doctor discovers things about herself and her brain thatchanged her life forever. And while sheworked hard, year after year, to restore the damaged functioning – and yes, shedid actually regain the brain functioning – she became a staunch advocate forthe importance of a more balanced and integrated brain. She speaks of the importance of recognizingthe strengths of the different parts of one’s own brain, and then encourages usto tap into the lesser developed portions for greater brain processingabilities and higher true quality of life.

I couldn’t help but be reminded of our work with individuals onthe Autism Spectrum and other dynamic developmental challenges. While it might be the opposite “side” of thebrain that needs targeting in these students, there are other similarities thatare unmistakable:

The brain needs balanced processing – too much on one side is not good.
Individuals must take their own brain into their own power to change – the brain does change, but the individual is ultimately responsible for internalizing and being intentional with that work. Obviously with our challenged children, as with ALL of our children, we as parents and teachers must guide them in this process of self discovery.
People need help to make these changes – guidance and assistance from others is necessary to fully engage our own self-regulation for change.

I enjoyed this book for many reasons, but the message ofchanging the brain to be a more balanced processing organ was the mostmotivating of all. Here are some of myfavorite quotes from Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor in her work …

ABOUT THE BRAIN

“For any two of us to communicatewith one another, we must share a certain amount of common reality. As a result, our nervous systems must bevirtually identical in their ability to perceive information from the externalworld, process and integrate that information in our brains, and then havesimilar systems of output including thought, word, or deed.”

Chapter 2

“However, neurons, the primary cellof the nervous system, do not multiply (for the most part) after we areborn. That means that the majority ofthe neurons in your brain today are as old as you are. … The cells in our brain are the same butover time their connections change based upon their/our experience.”

Chapter 2

“Our cerebral cortex is divided intotwo major hemispheres, which complement one another in function. … Althougheach hemisphere is unique in the specific types of information it processes,when the two hemispheres are connected to one another, they work together togenerate a single seamless perception of the world.”

Chapter 2

“Each of these sensory systems is alsomade up of a complex cascade of cells, and damage to any portions of the systemmay result in an abnormal ability to perceive.”

Chapter 2

“The innate differences we eachexperience in terms of how sensitive we are to different types of stimulationcontribute greatly to how we perceive the world.”

Chapter 2

“Because our two hemispheres are soneuronally integrated via the corpus callosum, virtually every cognitivebehavior we exhibit involves activity in both hemispheres – they simply to itdifferently.”

Chapter 3

“By its design, our right mind isspontaneous, carefree, and imaginative. It allows artistic juices to flow free without inhibition or judgment. …In contrast, our left hemisphere is completely different in the way itprocesses information. It takes each ofthose rich and complex moments created by the right hemisphere and stings themtogether in timely succession.”

Chapter 3

“Following surgery, it took eightyears for me to completely recover all physical and mental functions. I believe that I have recovered completelybecause I had an advantage. As a trainedneuroanatomist, I believed in the plasticity of my brain – it’s ability torepair, replace and retrain its neural circuitry. In addition, thanks to my academics, I had a“roadmap” to understanding how by brain cells needed to be treated in order forthem to recover.”

Chapter 3

HER OBSERVATIONS FROM THE WORLD OFAN UN-INTEGRATED BRAIN

“I wanted to communicate: ‘Yelling louder does not help me understandyou any better! Don’t be afraid ofme. Come closer to me. Bring me your gentle spirit. Speak more slowly. Enunciate more clearly. Again! Please, try again! S-l-o-wdown. Be kind to me. Be a safe place for me. See that I am a wounded animal, not a stupidanimal. I am vulnerable andconfused. Whatever my age, whatever mycredentials, reach for me. Respectme. I am in here. Come find me.’ ”

Chapter 7

“I experienced people asconcentrated packages of energy…. I felt rushed by an outer world that did notunderstand how to communicate with me. … My energy was drained by these ongoingactivities.”

Chapter 8

“The effort it took for me to payattention to what someone was saying was like the effort it takes to payattention to someone who is speaking on a cell phone with a badconnection. You have to work so hard tohear what the person is saying that you may become impatient, frustrated, andhand up the phone.”

Chapter 8

HER RECOVERY PROGRAM

“I chose to show up for thoseprofessionals who brought me energy by connecting with me, touching me gentlyand appropriately, making direct eye contact with me, and speaking to mecalmly. I responded positively topositive treatment. The professionalswho did not connect with me sapped my energy, so I protected myself by ignoringtheir requests.”

Chapter 9

“… my brain craved minimalstimulation. It was not that I wasdepressed, but my brain was on sensory overload and could not process thebarrage of incoming information.”

Chapter 10

“She intuitively understood that toget from A to C, I had to learn A, then B, and then C. It was if I had an infant brain again and hadto learn virtually everything from scratch. I was back to the basics. … Theprocess of physical recovery was just like the stages of normaldevelopment. I had to go through eachstage, master that level of ability, and then the next step unfoldednaturally.”

Chapter 11

“A lot of stroke survivors complainthat they are no longer recovering. Ioften wonder if the real problem is that no one is paying attention to thelittle accomplishments that are being made. … Recovery can be derailed byhopelessness.”

Chapter 11

“I was introduced to the mechanicsof everyday life by accompanying G.G. [her mother who took charge of herrecovery program] when she needed to do things. I became her baby duck in training, and when I had enough energy, Ifollowed he everywhere. Who would guessthat a trip to the laundromat was excellent rehabilitation? … Repeatedly, G.G.and I engaged in monkey-see, monkey-do behavior.”

Chapter 11

WHAT SHE NEEDED MOST

“I desperately needed people totreat me as though I would recover completely. Regardless of whether it could take three months, two years, 20 years,or a lifetime, I needed people to have faith in my continued ability to learn,heal, and grow.”

Chapter 13

“Scientists are well aware that thebrain has tremendous ability to change its connections based upon its incomingstimulation. This ‘plasticity’ of thebrain underlies its ability to recover from lost function.”

Chapter 13

“I needed the people around me tobelieve in the plasticity of my brain and its ability to grow, learn andrecover.”

Chapter 13

“Forced choice demanded that I openold files or create new ones. Yes/Noquestions demanded no real thought and G.G. rarely passed by a good opportunityto activate a neuron.”

Chapter 13

“I needed people to celebrate thetriumphs I made every day because my success, not matter how small, inspiredme.”

Chapter 13

“My successful recovery wascompletely dependent on my ability to break every task down into smaller andsimpler steps of action.”

Chapter 13

“… but I needed my visitors to bringme their positive energy. … I was very difficult for me to cope with people whocame in with high anxious energy. Ireally needed people to take responsibility for the kid of energy they broughtme. … Extremely nervous, anxious orangry people were counter-productive to my healing.”

Chapter 13

WORDS OF ADVICE FROM A BRAIN EXPERT

“By recognizing who is who insideour cranium, we can take a more balanced-brain approach to how we lead ourlives.”

Chapter 15

“I define responsibility(response-ability) as the ability to choose how we respond to stimulationcoming in through our sensory systems at any moments in time.”

Chapter 17

“Nowadays, I spend a whole lot oftime thinking about thinking just because I find my brain so fascinating.”

Chapter 17

“I always end my emails with atag-line quote from Einstein. I believehe got it right when he said, ‘I must be willing to give up what I am in orderto become what I will be.’ … Thanks totheir neural plasticity, their ability to shift and change their connectionswith other cells, you and I walk the earth with the ability to be flexible inour thinking, adaptable to our environment, and capable of choosing who and howwe want to be in the world.”

Chapter 20

“I think that Gandhi was right whenhe said, ‘We must be the change we want to see in the world.’ ”

Chapter 20

If you don't snooze, do you lose? Wake-sleep patterns affect brain synapses during adolescence

2011-10-10T11:40:00.000-05:00

Nice article about the importance of developing good sleep habits in our families, and sticking to them, even throughout the teenage years!

If you don't snooze, do you lose? Wake-sleep patterns affect brain synapses during adolescence

RDI - in a beautiful little nutshell ...

2011-10-04T10:22:00.002-05:00

KidSafe - R.D.I. for Autism - KFDA - NewsChannel 10 / Amarillo News, Weather, Sports

2011-09-29T10:34:00.000-05:00

The life changing affects of RDI, on parent and child ...

KidSafe - R.D.I. for Autism - KFDA - NewsChannel 10 / Amarillo News, Weather, Sports

Top 10 Tips for “Making Friends” from Autism File’s Readers

2011-09-02T06:37:00.000-05:00

And of course, in my opinion, #2 is the best; and teaches you how to do all the rest ...

Top 10 Tips for “Making Friends” from Autism File’s Readers

The Pause That Makes All The Difference by Carol Subramani, RDI Program Certified Consultant - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

2011-08-12T10:33:00.000-05:00

If you want real "thinking" to take place, for yourself and your child, the pause does make all the difference ...

The Pause That Makes All The Difference by Carol Subramani, RDI Program Certified Consultant - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

The Bright Side of Life!: Why I do what I do.......

2011-08-06T13:25:00.000-05:00

A beautiful blog from another "RDI" Mom ... thanks for sharing!!

The Bright Side of Life!: Why I do what I do.......: "I have been thinking! I don't generally put too much thought into thinking about autism and the impact it has on our family! If I di..."

Kids' anxiety, depression halved when parenting styled to personality

2011-08-02T20:57:00.000-05:00

Kids' anxiety, depression halved when parenting styled to personality

TEDxBlue - Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. - 10/18/09

2011-07-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

If you care about real brain development, watch this ...

Nobody Asked You

2011-07-21T20:44:00.001-05:00

Such a nice reminder that as parents and educators, often, we just need to keep our mouth shut!

Nobody Asked You

What Decisions Are My ASD Kids Ready For?

2011-07-21T15:13:00.000-05:00

As I try to mindfully offer my ASD children more and more legitimate responsibilities and real-life decision making opportunities, I often ask myself - are they really ready for that?

But, as committed RDI Families, we must move ahead with legitimate opportunities for dynamic intelligence challenges from life’s experiences and decisions. As soon as we have established ourselves as their trusted dynamic guides, they are ready for us to help guide them with more and more responsibilities and dynamic learning opportunities. This is true for ASD and neurotypical children, but I have found that my neurotypical child will make sure, all on her own, that I give her these responsibilities – the neurotypical child wants and demands them. My ASD boys need a bit of healthy pushing and practice to reap the benefits of becoming competent dynamic decision makers and problem solvers. Let’s face it, when there are decisions to be made, there will be problems to think about and to solve. And where there are problems to be solved, there is dynamic learning to be experienced!

I found a wonderful “RDI-friendly” resource for this - Dr Laura Markham’s lists of what kids are ready for and at what age. Within our developmental remediation model, this list is a nice place to start. Of course this list will have to be tweaked for your own family dynamics, parenting style and child. And for each individual ASD child, we may have to do a bit of personalized support and scaffolding. Also remember, while we all certainly learn from our successful decisions, we need to learn from our not-so-successful decisions, too!

So just go for it – see if your kids are ready for a few new real-life decisions to think about, under your dynamic guidance of course!

From Dr. Laura Markham; Aha! Parenting, www.ahaparenting.com ; Excerpt from “Help Your Child Develop Good Judgment:”

Give your children control of their own decision-making as it becomes age appropriate. What's age appropriate? The list below will give you a frame of reference, but obviously, you'll need to adapt this chart to your own child and your family circumstances. Remember to slowly build the degree of freedom and responsibility you offer your child, giving them as much help as they need to handle each level until they master it comfortably.

Each section covers a number of years; children in the lowest ages of that range are just beginning to handle the listed items.

Responsibilities Toddlers can be in charge of:

Their own bodies, within the limits of safety and decency.
Cleaning up their own messes. (“That’s ok. Get the paper towels off the counter and let’s clean that milk up. We always clean up our own messes.”)
What to wear (within the limits of appropriate season, safety, and decency.)
Amount of food to eat (You provide the selection. They decide how much.)
Getting the food into their mouths. (Unless they want help.)
What book to read, even if you're reading to them.
What toys to play with.
What toys to share (others get put away before friends arrive)
When to use the potty. (You offer: “Do you need to use the potty before we leave the house?” But they need to check in with their own body and get to know its signals. Unless you want to be in charge of their toileting for years to come?)

Responsibilities Preschoolers (3-5) can be in charge of:

All of the above, plus:

Their own clothes (Choosing them, within your parameters. Maintaining them, by keeping them in reasonably neat piles by category.)
Their own rooms (within reasonable neatness parameters. They decide what they want on the walls, within reasonable limits. Parents will need to help them organize their stuff and teach them how to clean up.)
How much to eat.
What to eat (within appropriate nutritional guidelines. This only works if you limit accessibility of junk food. It does mean you have to decide what to do when they don't like what you've fixed for dinner. In our house, they have to try one bite, then they can get a yogurt if they want. Yogurts rarely win out.)
Who to play with and when.
Whether to attend social events to which she is invited (excluding mandatory family events.)
Who is allowed in his room.

Responsibilities School-Age Children (6 to 9) can be in charge of:

All of the above, plus:

How to wear their hair (within appropriate grooming standards).
Clearing their place from the table.
Simple chores around the house
How to spend their allowance
Completing their homework
Getting their school backpack ready the night before
How to spend their time (after basic responsibilities like homework are accomplished.)
Whether to play an instrument or take a class.
What sport or physical activity to engage in (Given the research on this, physical activity in our house is non-negotiable, but they get to choose the type.)
Fixing simple food for themselves for snacks and lunch.

Responsibilities Preteens & Tweens (10-12) can be in charge of:

All of the above, plus:

Packing their school lunch
Self-grooming: nails, hair, etc.
Make (or help make) the family contributions for the class bake sale and other events.
Walk with a friend from one point to another within the neighborhood as long as a parent always knows where they are. (We live in New York, and bought our kids cell phones at this age. Their early usage was mostly limited to calling parents.)
Staying alone in the house, with certain rules about who can be with them.

Responsibilities Early Adolescents (13-15) can be in charge of:

All of the above, plus:

Getting themselves up in the morning (you may need to be the backup plan.)
Doing their own laundry (eliminates you feeling like the maid when they suddenly need a certain item.)
Temporary changes in appearance (i.e., permanent tattoos are out in my family till they’re eighteen, but temporary ones are their choice. Piercings are discussed on an as-requested basis, and are discouraged because of the risk of infection and permanent scarring.)
Riding the bus and subway (some families require that this be with a friend.)
Going to movies with friends.
Earning spending money by babysitting or other jobs.
Budgeting their own spending.

Accentuating the positive may eliminate the negative in teenagers with anxiety

2011-07-13T09:41:00.000-05:00

So, guiding our anxious ones to learn from their "successes" is even more important than learning from their "mistakes" ... ;-) ... I like it!!

Accentuating the positive may eliminate the negative in teenagers with anxiety

An RDI Parent Shares her Journey - RDI Community - RDIconnect

2011-06-14T11:30:00.000-05:00

A beautiful story of discovery and hope that RDI can offer parents, children and their families ...

An RDI Parent Shares her Journey - RDI Community - RDIconnect

It is OK for Our Kids to Feel Bored!

2011-06-11T15:25:00.003-05:00

It is OK for our kids to feel bored; yes, even our ASD kids!

This is an excerpt from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller’s wonderful Parenting Newsletter, #101 – suggestions that all parents can use as the lazy days of summer begin.

And my own twist; our children need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable sometimes, in a productive way; our children on the Autism Spectrum are no different. All kids need to have dynamic mindful guidance through these mildly uncomfortable moments, those moments of mild tension in their life, in order to develop the self awareness and problem solving functions to function for life!

Take a look at the following action plan, apply your own personal family modifications, and make sure that you are ready to be that successful dynamic guide in these inevitable learning experiences with your child this summer …

"I'm Bored."

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

http://www.uncommon-parenting.com

The summer vacation wasn't three days old when ten-year-old Jason Cunningham walked into the living room and announced to his parents, "I'm bored." Both parents looked at each other incredulously, surprised by what they had just heard. Neither one knew what to say or how to respond.

It might take your child longer. Maybe it will happen after two weeks or a month. Yet, there is a good chance that sometime this summer you will hear, "I'm bored. There's nothing to do." How are you going to handle that announcement? What do you say next? As a concerned parent, what is your next move? Not sure? Consider the following do’s and don’ts when dealing with a bored child this summer.

1. Do not rescue. Do not schedule a trip to the zoo this afternoon and another to the water park tomorrow. It is not your job to fill your child's schedule with exciting adventures day after day.

2. Do not tell your child, "That's silly. There are a million things to do. How could you possibly be bored?" This type of verbal reaction tells a child that his feelings are wrong. This will discourage him from sharing his feelings with you in the future.

3. Do say, "That's an interesting choice you’ve made. Tell me more about it." Know that boredom is a choice. It is a state of mind created by the thoughts a person creates about their situation. Your job is to help your child see boredom as a choice without making her wrong for making that choice.

4. Do use empathy. When your child announces his boredom, lead with empathy. "That's too bad. It must be frustrating to be bored on vacation." Once you begin with an empathetic response, you can follow it with information-seeking questions. "Do you have any plans to change that?" "Got any ideas for what to do about it?" "How long do you think that will last?"

5. Do suggest possibilities. "I've seen a lot of kids get bored from time to time. Would you like to hear some things I've seen them do? I can help brainstorm possibilities and then you can decide if any of them fit for you."

6. Do give a one-minute problem-solver/problem-keeper lecture burst. "You know, Tennille, there are two kinds of people in the world—problem solvers and problem keepers. In this family, do you know who gets to decide which one they want to be? That's right, the kids. And in this case you get to decide. You have a bunch of choices here that we brainstormed. You now get to choose whether you want to be a problem solver or a problem keeper. Problem solvers pick one of the possibilities and check it out to see if it works for them. Problem keepers don’t do anything different. They just sit around and feel bad. It’s your choice. I’ll check with you when I get home tonight and see what you decided to do. Create a great day."

7. Do debrief later. "Hey, how did your day go? What did you create? Did you decide to be a problem solver or problem keeper? How did that work for you? Tell me more." Debriefing is the key. Here, you are demonstrating your interest as well as your caring. This is not a telling step. It is an asking and listening step. It is helping your child stay conscious about the choices she is making.

8. Do maintain your healthy limits. Your limit of one hour of TV per day and one hour of electronic game time does not need to be wiped out in an effort to reduce your child’s boredom. Allowing a child to sit with an electronic game, TV, or computer for hours on end so they won't choose to be bored is NOT effective parenting.

9. Do not overschedule your child this summer. A young friend of ours recently asked his parents to limit the activities he was enrolled in this summer. "When I'm too busy the summer goes too fast and I don't get to enjoy it," he told them. This is an example of a child that wanted more downtime. Children do not have to be kept busy every minute.

10. Do realize that some boredom may be necessary to move your child to find alternative activities for herself. Some degree of discomfort could well be the motivator that spawns new and creative possibilities. This could be the impetus that gets her up, off her rear end, and outside to enjoy nature or some form of exercise.

11. Do not go racing out and buy a bunch of stuff. Things are not what eliminate boredom. Creative thinking does. Creativity, ingenuity, and uniqueness have little room to surface in an environment full of things.

12. Do use self-referred comments. "I'm feeling bored. I think I'll go outside and look around for something to do." To make a self-referred comment, structure the first part of your communication so that you are speaking about yourself: "I need some excitement." Follow your statement about yourself with a connection to responsibility: "It's time for me to take some action. I'll be out in the garage if anyone wants me." This style of speaking teaches about values, personal power, and personal responsibility by adding a verbal component to your modeling of appropriate behavior.

It might be one of your children. It might be your spouse. It might even be you! Sooner or later you'll hear, "I'm bored." When it happens, use the do's and don'ts above to help you respond effectively.

Understanding The Difference Between Dynamic and Static Intelligence by Sue Simmons - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

2011-06-04T08:06:00.000-05:00

This pretty much sums it up folks ... we can change the ASD brain, with the proper dynamic intervention!

Understanding The Difference Between Dynamic and Static Intelligence by Sue Simmons - Forging New Pathways - RDIconnect

The Importance of a "Note to Self"

2011-05-27T18:05:00.000-05:00

How can we teach and practice with our ASD kids the importance of a “note to self”?

I was recently reminded of how much I love the concept of “note to self”. This self-reflective practice is used by people every day. Whether it is something that we actually do – write a note to ourselves in our calendar or daily to-do list; or whether we just make a mental note of some important thing that we want to remember and carry with us; the ability to understand and apply this practice is something that we have to teach our ASD kids. The ability to use just the important information from an experience to plan future experiences is a critical life function that has to be targeted for all ASD children.

It comes naturally to our neurotypical children. They may start out by storing up a memory, or reflecting on something with a parent or friend. They may even write something on their hand or leave sticky notes everywhere. Often, a simple journal is a very useful tool that kids use to reflect on their day. But the concept of having a unique experience, then taking some useful, important information from that experience, and finally applying it to our own lives, is part of the dynamic human development of the thinking mind.

But for ASD kids, this is often a challenge …

They may have an experience, but they might not want to focus on the uniqueness of that experience. Or they may only focus on the static rote facts of the experience. Often, having an experience, and then having the motivation and interest to reflect on both the good and bad information is just too hard.

So what can we do to help?

1. Help your child encode those experience memories from their past engagements. Whether it is a photograph, a drawing or a journal, encourage a joint activity of reliving the most important parts of their past joint experiences.

2. Practice the art of self talk in your own moments of reflection. The cognitive processing that we go through each and every day in the area of personal reflection needs to be shared with our ASD children, to help them develop the practice themselves.

3. Spotlight, spotlight, spotlight. When you see your child adjusting themselves, in anyway, based on a prior experience, make sure that they know that they are doing it, and how important that function is in their life.

We all use some sort of personal reminders of our past experiential learning opportunities to plan for the future; help your ASD child develop their own little “note to self” today!

The Importance of the PLOP

2011-05-13T12:10:00.000-05:00

In order to challenge our children - our “students” of life - with thinking and learning opportunities, both parent and teacher guides must first know and be mindful of the PLOP – the present level of performance.

One of the schools that I work with in my consulting practice taught me this acronym, and I love it! As a parent working with my own two ASD sons, I am always looking for strategies to keep me more mindful and purposeful in my work with my own sons – a simple acronym and phrase often does the trick – the importance of the PLOP.

As we already know, real discovery and learning occurs when we are challenged, but not overwhelmed. This magic but variable place called the zone of proximal development is an edge where we are slightly above, but not too far beyond, our present level of performance – one step ahead. For any developmentally-based program, understanding this place is critical to real sustainable progress that can be generalized. Guides must take the time to evaluate the present level of understanding that any child has with regards to the lesson at hand. Guides have to be mindful of that place, and we have to be purposeful in our activities and lesson engagements to stay at that edge, without going too far above or too far below. Too little challenge, below the PLOP, and we are rote and rigid and static. Too much challenge, way above the PLOP, and we destroy the student’s motivation for competency and development of resiliency.

How can we stay one step ahead of the PLOP? We have to know the PLOP!

With ASD students, the PLOP is such a moving target – it changes day by day, even minute by minute, for some students. And what’s even harder, we don’t always get clear feedback from the ASD student that we may be missing the target zone. First, we have to be constantly aware of the PLOP. Next, challenges to that PLOP have to occur throughout the day, every day. There is tension in this zone of proximal development, and our students have to practice tolerating that tension, without shut-down or melt-down, to build competency in real dynamic joint learning engagements. Guides have to develop the habit of staying one step ahead with our learning opportunities, and it begins with the PLOP.

A one-step-ahead developmental intervention model offers real growth, thinking and learning opportunities for ASD children. Evaluating the PLOP, and then staying mindful of learning opportunities that are one step ahead of that PLOP, is critical for the parent and teacher guides with our ASD students of life. And it all begins with the importance of the PLOP!

For the Moms ...

2011-05-07T07:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day!

	"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts."
	Washington Irving

Frances Jensen at TEDMED 2010

2011-05-03T14:45:00.000-05:00

Creating a Personal Portfolio for Your Child

2011-04-22T11:12:00.000-05:00

Creating a personal portfolio document for your child is perhaps one of the best ways to share your child and your vision for your child with others - I wouldn’t go to an IEP meeting without one!

I discovered this habit 6 years ago, after attending a presentation by Paula Kluth, Autism and educational consulting expert. And I have created a personal portfolio each year for both of my boys.

A personal portfolio introduces the school team to your child and your family in a way that they seldom get a glimpse … in your real world … at home, in your community, and in your family. The information shared in this document should provide useful information to any school team that is targeting real developmental progress and long-term growth.

Your child’s personal portfolio will include their likes and dislikes; their learning strengths and challenges. And hopefully, you have discovered a few useful strategies to enhance real learning opportunities and successes that you can share. Chances are that at home and out in the community with your family, your child has experiences that the school will want and need to understand. Pictures with captions and journal words written or dictated by your child are helpful, too.

The most important section of my personal portfolios has always been my parenting mission – this single page spotlights my long-term visions and motivations for my child and their development. The school needs to know that mission … they are a part of that mission. Hopefully they will share your vision and action plan to get there. As special needs parents, we are obliged to share with our children’s schools what motivates us – this will drive the direction of their work with your child at school and the content of your child’s IEP. This information will lead the opportunities that they afford your child at school. These can be as simple or as complex as needed, depending on the child. But this information may manifest a vision of and for your child that the school has not discovered yet.

Create a personal portfolio for your child, today!

Kids Do Well If They Can, by Dr. Ross Greene

2011-04-19T20:54:00.000-05:00

Summer Secrets in the Big City!

2011-04-15T20:15:00.000-05:00

How do we plan for and engage with our ASD children in some real summer experiential learning opportunities in one of the biggest, most popular and dynamic cities in the nation?

Living in Chicago is a blessing, and a curse, for families affected by Autism. The benefits of living in this beautiful location are often lost due to sensory and flexibility challenges for our kids. But, don’t let that stop you – with some mindful planning and sound support, our kids can have some real legitimate summer experiences in this big city that we love!

Try Brookfield Zoo instead of Lincoln Park Zoo!

While Brookfield gets crowded, I have never experienced a crowd like our beautiful Lincoln Park, in the summer. Whether it’s the location, or the fact that it is free, Lincoln Park Zoo can get absolutely unmanageable in the summer. Consider taking the drive, and investing the bucks, for an animal excursion to Brookfield Zoo instead.

Think about avoiding the Cubs and the White Sox, and opt for other teams; or better yet, take a road trip to Ohio or Iowa for spring training!

I admit that I am not the one that organizes these sporting outings in my family, but per my husband, the Kane County Cougars, the Lake County Fielders and even the Milwaukee Brewers are nice alternatives to consider for baseball season. And he and my oldest son are gearing up for their 3^rd annual weekend get-away to experience spring training in the surrounding states.

Opt for a smaller beach!

Oak Street Beach, I hear, can be a mad house in the summer; but we have other options. There are other beaches to visit. Make a day outing to a beach that might be more enjoyable and relaxing than those right in the middle of the city.

Join the Shedd Aquarium, at least for one summer!

The membership to the Shedd entitles you to a fast pass entrance. No lines, no waiting outside. Just enter the building and get your members ticket, and off you go, to some nice, cool indoor summer fun.

Head out to Botanic Garden!

Although the parking fee is pretty pricey, you just can’t beat the environment and openness of Chicago’s Botanic Garden. Be prepared to share some engaged joint attention to the beauty and wonder.

What are some of your family’s favorite summer outings? Consider your own modifications and adaptations to discover your own summer secrets in the big city!

Schema - a simple mental framework

2011-04-12T11:21:00.000-05:00

Great video clip from John Medina about the importance of establishing a priming informational framework, for anyone, before we give them information. Establish a schema for your child today!

Simplify Life for the Basics of Happiness

2011-04-01T19:23:00.000-05:00

Simplifying life is one of the hottest self-help topics for people trying to find true happiness. Professionals and researchers are examining the lifestyles of some of the happiest people in the world, and their lives are surprisingly simple. Some basics for happy living include (1) healthy eating, (2) regular exercise, and (3) maintaining meaningful relationships and social experiences.

Sounds simple, right? Not for the child with Autism or their family. Picky eating, frantic family meals and social engagement complications are standard operating procedures in the ASD household. In fact, those basics for a happy life often get stripped away as some of the biggest obstacles and life challenges for families touched by Autism. Making some changes to our thinking and establishing some new family routines can help. And ensuring that every family member has a meaningful role in these family life activities will not only ensure that everyone reaps the benefits, but also sets the stage for opportunities in dynamic experiential learning for the ASD family member. Here are some ideas to put into action …

Healthy Eating:

Make the weekly shopping list a family affair – everyone gets to pick a fruit, a veggie, a lean protein and a low-fat starch, of their choice!
Have a joint engagement activity for chopping veggies – allow everyone to have a role that they can be competent with, whether it be the washing, the drying, the chopping, or just simply putting them on the fancy platter!
Designate one special night, and make a dessert together – it makes the experience that much more special!

Regular Exercise:

Take an evening family walk after dinner, even if it is just around the block – establishing the family habit of an evening walk is not only great exercise, but also an ideal distraction- free period for some real experience-sharing communications!
Find a family-friendly exercise or dance video, and get moving, as a family – or just turn on a favorite song and dance together!
Join the gym or local rec center, and go together – sharing time on the treadmill or doing the machine circuit together provides great opportunity for real joint attention!

Maintaining Relationships and Social Experiences

Sponsor a dinner and game night for one other family – don’t try to throw a big backyard party – keep it simple, with just one other family, and build the relationships that might have otherwise not been maintained!
Get Skype, and use it – there are no longer excuses of distance for not keeping out-of-town family and friends up to date on the family and child development progress!
Go out, as a family – take the time and make the plan to go out on the town together, as a family. It may just be dinner out, or maybe just to the movies; but taking the time to go out together, just as a family, can be a simple way to get those social experiences in for the ASD family, in the most basic and simple way, as one simple family outing!

For each family, simplifying happy family activities will be something different. Add some of your own variations. Examine your own family’s dynamics; how can you simplify your family’s life in order to make the time and space for the basics of happiness?

Personal Notes from a Social-Emotional Learning Seminar

2011-03-18T17:26:00.000-05:00

I had an amazing opportunity to hear Rush Neurobehavioral’s Clinical Director Dr. Bernadette Evans-Smith speak to a group of parents and education professionals about the importance of social-emotional learning. It was so refreshing to hear such an experienced professional speak with such passion as to the importance of social-emotional learning for all children.

Dr. Evans-Smith also described the need for more targeted education in this area for not only Autism Spectrum kids, but also kids with Non-Verbal Learning Differences, ADHD, and other dynamic developmental challenges.

She spent a small amount of time speaking about her clinic’s research projects, both past and future, in this area. Her results are clear – social-emotional learning is important stuff; all kids need it; and it can be targeted and mastered for those children who have obstacles in this area.

Dr. Evans-Smith has decades of experience, and it was such a pleasure to hear her speak on a topic that is so important. She made 3 important points that stuck out for me;

* Illinois is ahead of most states in this area!

Can you believe it? I was shocked. But Dr. Evans-Smith reported that Illinois was the first state to actually include social-emotional learning goals in the state’s required educational curriculum. Amazing!

* This work MUST be done developmentally!

She reported her frustration at efforts to target mastery from children who are working too far above their developmental level of functioning. The current level of performance must be taken into consideration before starting this work. She shared a wonderful chart of dynamic intelligence areas (recognition of emotions in self and others; social motivation; dynamic cognition; linking events to emotions; self-regulation; etc.) that she has arranged developmentally, beginning at birth. This reminded me so much of our RDI® Child Objectives Curriculum. And this developmental education must include “comprehension and understanding” plus “execution and application”. It is not enough to do one and not the other.

* For certain children with delays in this area, this work takes time; years in fact!

I was reminded that this is hard stuff for certain kids; it does take years of targeted work, by families, schools, professionals and community. As Dr. Evans-Smith pointed out – if all we had to do was just put these children around “normal” kids and have them “get it”, then they would have done it by now; it is more than that. And I loved hearing her conclude, this long-term, intense work must include family, the child, the school and professionals, all working together!

Wonderful Article from The Gray Center's Laurel Falvo!

2011-03-11T17:36:00.000-06:00

I recently read a wonderful article by Laurel Falvo, CFLE, Executive Director of The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding, www.thegraycenter.org. . Her highlighting of the importance of social understanding and emotional IQ are critical concepts for all RDI® Families to remember. Some of my favorite observations are highlighted below, and the entire article can be viewed at The Gray Center website.

“Why do I do what I do? How could I do it differently? What effect do my words and actions have on others? What have I learned from my current situation, and how will that affect my future responses? What motivates others to do and say what they do? Might they be missing information that would help them interact more effectively? What could I do to help? These questions form the basis for “social understanding.” Social understanding seems to come more naturally to some people as they examine themselves and others in striving toward their goal of being socially effective. Whether they succeed or fail, they evaluate the outcome and learn from the experience. They are sensitive to the social context, adjusting their responses accordingly. Somehow they sense that an “authentic response” of hollering a choice word when they stub their toe might work when they are alone in their living room, but that it’s not likely to work when they’re entering a board meeting or a quiet concert hall. They are sensitive to emotions, changing their responses in order to effectively accommodate a variety of feelings in themselves and others.”

What sticks out for me in this portion of the article is the enormous amount of self-awareness, self-monitoring and self-adjusting that happens in simple social engagements. And for the individual that has not developed a broad and competent view and control of self, these social engagements with others can be hard. In neurotypical children, this starts early, within the first year of life. And it gets more complex and challenged and mastered, forever! But for ASD kids, something derails that self-development, and the deficits in this area affect every social encounter. Individuals with ASD need a developmentally based curriculum in the area of “self”, long before they can be expected to be successful social partners in the real world.

“I’m intrigued by the question of what makes one person more effective than another in social interactions. While there are likely a variety of answers to this question, and the topic is much more complex than what we could ever hope to cover in one article, over the years, I’ve become convinced that the answer to this question lies predominantly in the area of emotional intelligence. It is still difficult to pinpoint exactly what emotional intelligence is. You can find a variety of definitions and differing opinions if you research this topic. However, the most basic idea is that emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and understand emotions in yourself and others, and use that knowledge to guide interactions. It helps us to see the relationships between emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, and to respond accordingly, incorporating problem-solving, in order to be socially effective. It is interesting to note that some researchers are discussing the fact that babies appear to have “potential emotional intelligence,” which flourishes given the proper opportunities and instruction.”

What I loved about this passage is the recognition that these deficits in emotional intelligence can be remediated and improved upon, but they must be targeted. This area of processing and development does get off-track in most individuals with ASD, and the way to remedy the challenges is to work on it, and work on it often.

“Advanced emotional intelligence doesn’t necessarily correlate with a high IQ, or intelligence quotient. Those who are emotionally intelligent may be surgeons, teachers, parents, computer technicians, engineers, lawyers, children, factory workers, administrators, or therapists. Those who are not emotionally intelligent may be surgeons, teachers, parents, computer technicians, engineers, lawyers, children, factory workers, administrators, or therapists. In other words, neither our occupation nor our intellectual ability will guarantee that we will be emotionally intelligent. Surprisingly, the presence of an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) does not necessarily seem to correlate with low emotional intelligence. We know that a hallmark characteristic of a diagnosis of ASD is that an individual has difficulty “reading” social cues and context, and may struggle to respond in a way that is socially effective. However, in observing individuals with ASD who have been successful in spite of their struggles, and who seem to be well-liked by their peers, I believe that one defining characteristic is emotional intelligence. While they may not have all the answers, and they may not always “read” the context correctly, they are driven by a desire to better understand themselves and others, and to adjust their responses as needed in order to be socially effective.”

There are many professionals that are making great strides in highlighting the importance of these concepts now, to families, professionals and schools. For instance here in Illinois, there are Social Emotional Learning goals that are part of the State’s educational curriculum. And no matter where you turn, most every Autism “group,” with only few exceptions, and most current magazines are making the connections between long-term success and this social awareness, emotional learning and real dynamic thinking. And that is a nice change to see.

But this type of re-wiring of the brain that the article refers to has to happen early, often and repeatedly. We cannot expect a school-age child to make a new friends or be a good friend, unless they have made the discovery with a trusted guide that other people have different thoughts and ideas from their own thoughts and ideas. We cannot expect a teen to have the level of self-regulation required to manage the halls and complex relationships of high school unless they have discovered and practiced managing their own feelings and emotions at home first.

These are complex developmental discoveries that have to be experienced, practiced, and practiced some more. It takes mindful organizing of things so the child will make these dynamic discoveries and practice with them. It takes purposeful support so the child can stay with joint engagements long enough to see the differences in their own thinking and feeling, and the thinking and feeling of others. It takes trained spotlighting of the dynamic information that the child might not have noticed, or might not have wanted to notice, in these relationships. And probably most important, it takes a change in the way that we communicate with the individuals with ASD in our lives.

We have to get more declarative and less imperative; we have to use more experience-sharing communications, and less static, rote exchanges; and we have to use more non-verbal, expanding the bandwidth of our communicative exchanges throughout the day.

We have to remediate! We have to remediate the emotional intelligence and dynamic social processing deficits that ASD produced in these individuals. And RDI® gives us the parenting, professional and school curriculum to do just that!

Thinking about "Think Time"

2011-02-18T11:09:00.000-06:00

Instead of offering our ASD kids “wait time,” let’s try to think of it as “think time!”

Paula Kluth is one of my favorite Autism experts and educational consultants. I have followed her for almost a decade, and her commitment to children with Autism and their education is unmatched. I recently began reading a new book of hers, “Joyful Learning - Active and Collaborative Learning in Inclusive Classrooms. “ I came across a notation in her preface. In her list of quick tips for active, collaborative learning strategies, she recommends, as we do in RDI®, providing time for kids before expecting a response. And she called that time “wait time/think time”. And that reference stuck out to me as being really important because in our RDI® Programs, that is one of the first things that we practice with parents, families and teachers, increasing the “wait time”. Kids on the Autism Spectrum need that time to take in information, process what they have taken in, self-adjust to that new information, and plan what to do next. But Paula’s notation got me thinking of that time as being much, much more than just “wait time”, it really is “think time” for our kids!

And I believe that calling it “think time” is a better name for what we offer our children for many reasons:

First, “wait” is what the parent, family member or teacher guide is doing, and that is great; but what about the child? We don’t want them waiting; we want them thinking!

Next, at times, “wait” can have a negative connotation. When we “wait”, we might be getting impatient, we might be in a hurry, or we might even be getting mad. But “think” is always good; we always want our kids to think, before anything else.

And last, and the most important, we want our kids to know that they have a certain level of responsibility in their engagements with others. “Waiting” may be something that we do for them, but giving them “think time” is the gift of letting them do for themselves. We don’t want passive “waiting”; we want active “thinkers.”

Our children’s actions in the real world must involve them; they must be given opportunities to be active, engaged learners of life. Offering them increased “wait time” is one big thing that we can do to help them. And it really does help them, and us. But making sure that they know, and making sure that we remember, that they need to have an action in that “wait” time – they need to think. Their actions have to be planned and thought out, by them, and that does require them to recognize the need to do more than just “wait.” They need to know that they have something even more valuable - “think time.”

THE ART OF ALLOWING, for all of our children

2011-02-09T09:29:00.000-06:00

It's all about offering our children the opportunities that they need to make learning discoveries themselves. While we may need to be more mindful of how we offer these dynamic learning opportunties to our ASD children, we still have to offer none the less ...

THE ART OF ALLOWING

Getting kids to help, without a reward system ...

2011-02-08T17:35:00.000-06:00

This is a wonderful article about the importance of NOT offering kids rewards to do the stuff of life ...

share

Social and emotional learning programs found to boost students' skills

2011-02-08T17:22:00.000-06:00

Yes! These types of programs boost students' skills for school, and for life!

Social and emotional learning programs found to boost students' skills

Autism Speaks' Top Research Finding Supports What We Do in RDI!!

2011-01-28T16:26:00.000-06:00

RDI® families rejoice – Autism Speaks has revealed one of their top 2010 research studies supporting the importance of targeting joint attention in children with Autism. But, as RDI® families, that is something that we already know. Our initial work in our RDI® Programs, and an important premise in both our Parent and Child curricula, has always been to start with that exact thing - simple, often non-verbal, joint attention and engagements that lay the cognitive, social and emotional groundwork for all future dynamic growth and integrated brain development!

While we all know that it doesn’t come easily to our children on the Autism Spectrum, joint attention and shared engagements still are the foundations of a child’s cognitive growth and flexible thinking. This is where we must start with our ASD kids, and our RDI® Program teaches us how. In our RDI® Parent Objectives, parents and family members are trained and practice under the guidance of their RDI® Consultants to offer opportunities for joint attention and shared joint partnerships in more deliberate and more mindful ways with our ASD children. And in the early Stages of the Child Objectives, by working only one step ahead of our ASD children’s dynamic processing, we are offering them the opportunities to discover under our guidance that this joint attention and these shared engagements are actually enjoyable and interesting.

And most importantly, as RDI® families, we know why we must target work in this area. Joint attention and co-regulated engagements are where the brain will learn to learn and grow. This is not the time to be targeting memorization of static facts or to practice rote behaviors. These co-regulated moments are where dynamic challenges and flexible engagements with the real world start for children, for all children.

The Autism Speaks summary states, “The ability of very young children to engage others and communicate socially using non-verbal cues such as pointing, smiling, or making eye contact is critical to social and language development.” Yes, this is so true; true for neurotypical children and true for ASD children. But it is hard to target this critical developmental foundation with our ASD children. We have to be mindful of the specific communication goals; we have to target the goals over and over; and we have to do it slower and more deliberate, so our ASD kids will be able to take it in and process it. And that takes training, parent training, as to how to carry it throughout our days with our ASD children for future elaborations with others.

Also, the report summary indicates, “In this study, researchers asked parents/caregivers rather than clinicians to deliver an intervention aimed at increasing social communication outcomes of young children with autism.” Yes, if we want the joint engagements to make lasting changes in the ASD children’s brains, it has to come from those most trusted guides in their lives; their parents and caregivers. And that is how the work will be sustained long-term, for lasting benefits and elaborations. Once that foundational groundwork is mastered, then, we elaborate with more success to additional therapists, teacher guides and peer partners.

And their summarized findings, “The results showed that children in the treatment group developed strong joint attention skills. These gains in joint engagement, joint attention and play were either maintained or improved one year following termination of the intervention. Children in the treatment group spent less time focused solely on objects and significantly more time engaged with parents during play compared to children in the control group.” Yes!! Beautiful!! When we actually focus on the normalized child developmental targets, the ASD child can learn these critical developmental foundations, under the guidance of their parents and trusted caregivers.

Last, and my favorite conclusion, they admit, “While the benefits of parent-mediated versus therapist-mediated interventions have not been studied directly, parent-mediated models may prove to be a cost effective way to widely disseminate effective interventions to young children with autism spectrum disorder.” Yes, yes; a thousand times, yes!!! I predict that they will find that a “trained” parent is immensely more beneficial to deliver this type of engagement than a therapist, for both the short and long-term benefits to the ASD child. I look forward to the day when Autism Speaks will begin to include RDI® Program services in all of their Insurance Legislative work for families with children affected by Autism. RDI® is a WIN-WIN – for families and insurance companies!!

From Autism Speaks 2010 Top Research Findings … www.AutismSpeaks.com …

Do you see what I see?

Trial demonstrates that caregivers can effectively teach joint engagement skills

The ability of very young children to engage others and communicate socially using non-verbal cues such as pointing, smiling, or making eye contact is critical to social and language development. Children learn to relate and communicate nonverbally long before they learn to communicate using words. Numerous studies show that children who engage their parent or caregiver in sharing communications such as pointing to things of interest or directing another's attention to objects, learn language faster. These skills, referred to as joint attention skills, are significantly impaired in very young children with autism and therefore have been the targets of early intervention programs.

A lack of reciprocity or joint engagement is often a red flag for parents. Given that children are being diagnosed with autism at much younger ages, there is a need to develop early interventions that target these skills. In this study, researchers asked parents/caregivers rather than clinicians to deliver an intervention aimed at increasing social communication outcomes of young children with autism. Thirty-eight caregivers and their toddlers with autism who were 21-36 months of age were randomly assigned to either the treatment group or a waitlist control group. The study focused on toddlers who had the least amount of language based on previous findings that these children benefit most from the joint engagement intervention.

The 8-week intervention focused on the development of play routines during which the parent/caregiver would actively participate, maintain, and expand upon the child's play activities. The goal was to keep the child engaged on the shared play activity for longer periods of time during which the child's social communication and language behaviors could be facilitated.

The results showed that children in the treatment group developed strong joint attention skills. These gains in joint engagement, joint attention and play were either maintained or improved one year following termination of the intervention. Children in the treatment group spent less time focused solely on objects and significantly more time engaged with parents during play compared to children in the control group.

This is one of the first randomized controlled trials to demonstrate that a relatively brief caregiver-mediated intervention can improve social interaction, joint attention and play skills in toddlers with autism. While the benefits of parent-mediated versus therapist-mediated interventions have not been studied directly, parent-mediated models may prove to be a cost effective way to widely disseminate effective interventions to young children with autism spectrum disorder.

1. Kasari C, Gulsrud AC, Wong C, Kwon S, Locke J. (2010) Randomized controlled caregiver mediated joint engagement intervention for toddlers with autism. J Autism Dev Disord. Sep;40(9):1045-56.

The Phenomenon of Neuroplasticity

2011-01-24T15:50:00.000-06:00

So critical to all the work that we do in our RDI Programs, the brain that changes itself ...